Would any newly-weds imagine that they are going to divorce? Probably not. However, according to a divorce planner, Lee Byeong-Cheol, four out of ten couples break up after marriage. Even more, when it comes to the divorce rate, Korea placed first among the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) countries in 2012.

 It is indeed an undeniable fact that Korea is facing the growing trend of its people divorcing. Koreans usually think of divorce very negatively and this tendency is derived from our cultural root. That is, people are deeply influenced by the Confucian thinking that a husband and a wife should be faithful to each other everlastingly. If people get divorced, others around them tend to think that those concerned have severe problems within themselves and are to blame.

   
▲ Lee thinks that a divorce is a reasonable means for starting new life instead of a disgraceful trace for ruining life.Photographed by Kim Na Young

“Because of negative societal attitudes, many people hesitate to divorce,” said Lee. Even the divorcees’ parents often regard them as a disgrace to the whole family. Nowadays, some parents suggest that their son or daughter divorce if the marriage seems too miserable; still it is not something to be proud of. But what worries people the most is how their children will be perceived. When a married couple breaks up, it is not only themselves who are influenced.

Lee himself said that he got divorced about 10 years ago. “When my daughter was in elementary school, she had to hand in a picture diary. Her teacher told the kids to draw parents in the diary so my daughter had to draw her mommy a n d daddy together though they were divorced.” Like this, many teachers did not consider children with single parents. Instead, not only they but the overall public regarded these kids as problematic just like their parents. Unfortunately, the attitudes now do not seem to be much different.

However, despite some troubles that divorce can bring, Lee views it differently. “In my opinion, people are leading themselves to a happy life through divorce. That is, divorce is a reasonable means for starting a brand new second life.” The fundamental reason why people date is to love; and the object of love is to be happy. This also applies equally to marriage in that people long for happiness by marrying each other.

But conflicts could approach couples to the extent that their relationships become irrevocable. They would no longer feel happy anymore. The initial objective of marriage is deteriorated. “This is the exact time when we, the divorce planners, become handy,” said Lee. If the wedded fight each other, it is usually different from that of the unwedded. “Unlike dating, marriage involves two households to be knitted. So it is more likely that the fight between a husband and a wife will spread to become one between the two families.” In such a big quarrel, a mediator is needed to make a peaceful end and a divorce planner fits perfectly in the role.

So far it is easy to mistake a divorce planner as a person who promotes divorce. In fact, when the job was created two years ago, some press presented its image very negatively. Lee remembers that moment of harsh criticism as one of the most difficult times during his career. However, such a thought is a common misconception since one of their priorities is to prevent couples from divorcing.

As unhappy wedded couples come to Lee’s office, he begins consulting the pairs about their current situation. “Just as the name implies, divorce planners plan the divorcing process. And the first, yet the most important, step is to diagnose whether the couples should divorce or not.” The evaluation involves divorce planners trying to convince the couples not to break up.

He noted, “Indeed I did mention that divorce can be a reasonable means for getting rid of misery but only if the situation is severe.” Such unacceptable instances include a husband or a wife being taken into gambling or assaulting family members. In such circumstances, bearing those situations will rather make not only the individuals but their kids suffer as well. In other cases, however, Lee persuades them not to divorce—especially when couples think that they cannot endure each other’s personality.

The difference in personality is said to be one of the main causes of the conflicts between lovers. For the married, it is usually the case that they have not had conversations for a while. That is, lack of conversation is the real cause rather than incompatible personalities. Divorce planners, knowing the truth, make efforts to initiate conversations between conflicting couples as much as possible. Due to hard work, about 50 to 60 percent of people who visited Lee’s office recover their relationships.

Still there are couples who cannot reconcile. In general, they file a suit for divorce and request lawyers to resolve the case. “For divorce suits to proceed, it takes at least a year. Meanwhile, not only do people lose money for paying attorneys, but their social lives are often wrecked too,” said Lee, “but, on the other hand, divorce planners suggest a divorce by mutual agreement.” If couples divorce by consent, they will not have to go through the time of losing money, destroying consistency in life, and experiencing unnecessary emotional exhaustion.

“I also plan stable futures for divorced men and women through collected data,” stated Lee. Since he encountered many numbers of divorces, he was able to accumulate data. “With the database, it is possible to anticipate what will happen. So I tell people the possible consequences due to certain actions and advise which path to choose. This way, I try to minimize mental and economic damage.” Specifically, Lee helps people by providing ways to gain economic independence and to care for children’s education, and consulting people to heal emotionally after divorce. Often persuaded by Lee, people accept his plans.

“Divorce planners are not as they sound. We plan not only for divorces but people’s lives in a broader sense,” concluded Lee. Thus, the prospective of the career seems bright, too. People only associate attorneys as jobs related to divorce; however, what is needed most is to heal people and to help people navigate their lives before and after divorce. Also, in order to be a divorce planner, Lee said that it was important to empathize with those concerned. He even jokingly suggested that divorce planners themselves would have to go through the process of divorce. “The divorce rate is still increasing, and more and more people ought to need consultations and consolations. In that sense, it is a ‘blue ocean’ business.”

 

   
▲ The graph shows divorce planners’ overall activities for those concerned after andbefore divorce.
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